Finally Free

A prayer of mine was answered this week, and I was barely "in tune" enough to even notice it. The last couple of weeks have been extremely busy for me. Between juggling work deadlines, appointments, family commitments, and household "stuff" just to keep things humming along, it didn’t even sink in when my friend called me and said that she finally felt “really happy”. This had been my prayer for her for many months. Over the last several months she has endured unwarranted torment from family members, leaving her feeling crushed, betrayed, and empty.  I felt her pain, and my prayer for her was that she could escape the chains that held her captive to this torment, and just be free. Finally free. And she was. 
It wasn’t until this morning, two days after we had spoken, that I finally had a chance to sit back in silence. I was reading some scripture when I recalled her words from the other night, “I finally feel really happy.”  God works in amazing ways – and according to His own Divine plan. Sometimes our prayers are answered on the spot, and other times, we must be patient and let time heal so that we can feel His wonderful spirit making things new in our lives. My problem this week was that I was too wrapped up in the “stuff of the world” instead of keeping my eyes first and foremost on Him and the magic He was working in my friend’s life. I didn’t take the time to thank God for my answered prayer, so I’m doing it now, in the form of a passage from Psalm 51: 10-12 (which I happened to stumble upon this morning). It says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.”  And, BTW, thank you for my answered prayer. 

The Clash of Two Loves?

Make no mistake about it, I am Christian. But, I’m also a yoga teacher. Is there a clash between these two loves in my life? I didn’t think so until last week when I was discussing the Bible, life, and yoga with someone I had met at a networking meeting. She knew that I was a yoga instructor, and the topic of Christianity came up seemingly naturally in our conversation, but it wasn’t until we began diving into the discussion that I realized she was questioning how I could reconcile teaching a Hindu-based practice while claiming to love the Lord. The initial question seemed quite innocuous to me, because I had always entered into my yoga practice as a time when I could make another connection with God, and I like to bring this aspect into my teaching. From the very beginning of my yoga teaching career, my first and foremost ideal has been to teach the practice in order to improve overall health, increase movement, improve physical well-being, mental sharpness, and to facilitate a mind-body-spirit awareness . . . not to mention just taking the time to breathe, recharge, and reconnect.  Many, if not all, of my students are Christian also, and it is the spiritual connection that they say differentiates my classes from others they’ve attended.

After our discussion, as we were going back to our cars and parting ways, my acquaintance handed me a couple of pamphlets on the dangers of practicing yoga if you are Christian. I was shocked that she had these things prepared for me in her car, and even more shocked at my initial response, which was fear, uncertainty, and almost shame. I wondered, have I been going against God this entire time and didn’t even realize it? I thought of family members and friends who don’t acknowledge my love for the practice and thought that perhaps it was because they thought I was going against my own beliefs and theirs. Having told this woman that I wished other people would have an open mind to Christ, I unwillingly took the pamphlets, thinking that I at least needed to know what some people were saying about it. 

After sitting with the material, I knew most of the things that they were saying about the practice, most of it very extreme. It was so far from what I was teaching, and the spirit that I work to bring to my classes. My question remained, “How can I feel such love for something that I do, for the people with whom I connect, for the help I’m able to give others and the love I get in return, for this to be something that God doesn’t want for me?” Make no mistake about it: I love the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and I will continue to bring this love and my love of yoga to as many people as I can, in the spirit which I had intended from the very beginning.  It’s what I’ve been called to do.

Doing Nothing

I love the smell of a bookstore. Walking in the double doors of the store the other week, my eyes wandered back and forth as I took in the shelves upon shelves of books, ones I’ve read and have yet to read. I inhaled deeply, as if I were going into Mountain Pose, and let my body take in the smells of all of these delightful books. I walked right past the display of the electronic gadgets that falsely promote themselves as books, and entered deep into the heart of the store. I was looking for a book for my husband’s birthday, and once I found it, strolled in the direction of the checkout counter – only to find myself staring face to face with the “Bargain Books” section. Bad news. While I really didn’t need another book, how could I pass up a bargain?
I set my husband’s book down, and as I began thumbing through the pages of these amazing bargain books, my 18 year-old daughter called me. I told her where I was, and she said, “Mom, step away from the bargain books section.” She knows my love of books and bargains, the two of which together, are a deadly combination. I was able to get her permission to stay for a few more minutes when I told her about the bargain “body and brain” book (she’s studying to be a nurse), and as I flipped through the pages telling her about the brain stems and sleep disorders and ventricles, she said, “OK, only a few more minutes – and don’t forget that my birthday is coming up!” When we hung up I lingered even longer, picking up gems that I’ve wanted to read for a long time, like “A Course in Miracles” for the low bargain price of $10.98, or “How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking,” by Dale Carnegie for a steal of a deal at $6.98. By the end of the excursion, I had picked up a total of six books in addition to my husband’s one, and happily stepped up to the checkout counter.
One of the books in my stack was “The Joy Diet” by Martha Beck. She is a favorite author of mine, because I can totally relate to her. She has a humorous and sarcastic writing style, but she is a busy mom, writer, and loves helping people work through their issues as a coach and counselor. I got into “The Joy Diet” last night, which prompted this writing. The first step in the plan is to take 15 minutes to do nothing – yes, I mean absolutely nothing – each day for a week. It’s only when you can master this for seven days that you can move on to step two. Seems easy when you say it, but doing it is something else entirely. While I like to think that I can “be still and know God” in my prayer, in my yoga practice, and in sections of my daily life, putting it to a timer is something altogether different. I think that’s why I like bookstores so much – it gives me the feeling that I can allow myself to be swept away into “nothingness” for a period of time and get lost in a book, all with the potential of taking my mind and spirit to another level through its pages.
When was the last time you spent 15 minutes doing absolutely nothing? At first it seems like a guilty pleasure, and when you get down to it, it is shockingly difficult! Perhaps give it a try for a week and see how it makes you feel. See if it changes you, quiets your mind, brings you closer to your Creator, makes you a better person. Let me know what happens and I’ll do the same. Until then, I’ll be staying away from the bookstore for awhile.

Fix Your Eyes

The view out my window is beautiful these days. The grass is starting to green up, the buds on the trees are beginning to shoot out in their full glory, birds are singing, and that hoot owl outside my bedroom window wakes me up nearly every morning, ushering out the night and welcoming the dawn of a brand new day. I love spring. Everything cold and dead comes alive again and watching the transformation is always a wonderful treat for me.

But, like everything else, spring comes and goes quickly, so I really try to pay attention to it. My favorite part of the transformation process is watching my fruitless crabapple tree go from bare branches to green, leafy buds, then to pink flowery buds, and finally, to a brilliant, white snowball of flowers. This transformation always happens around Easter time and it fills me with great expectation, hope, and wide eyes for what’s to come next.

But, how often do we fear transformation? If “change is good” why can it be so scary at times? I was reading Malachi 3:6 today which says, “I the Lord do not change.” This gave me pause as I reflected on the not-so-great times in my life when I was feeling helpless, hopeless, afraid, and unsure. We all go through these times in our lives, but it is then that we need to fix our eyes on God. He is ever-present, never-changing, always near.

When I find myself in times of uncertainty, I have to remember that He is unchanging – my rock – the stable center that I desperately need when things feel like they are out of control. I fix my eyes on Him. In His splendor, God gives us the reassurance that He is walking with us, leading us through our problems and not around them, and taking us by the hand so that we can be stronger people for having done so.

One way I’ve found to be most helpful in “fixing my eyes” on Him is to spend a little time in nature. Gaze at the mountains, feel the sun on your skin, take a walk in the park, breathe in fresh air, and during this time of year, notice the daily changes He's bringing about. He is in all of these things, and when we immerse ourselves in His Divine love, we are given the assurance that our springtime is near, that He is omnipresent in our lives, and that our cold, barren branches will soon be brilliant and white. Let it unfold.

The Connection

In the busy-ness of raising a family, we may overlook the things we do to create “connections” with our children. I’m talking about those special, seemingly insignificant moments that we share as a family unit. It is these things, which over time, create an unbreakable bond. Playing cards as a family, having a joke that only we know about, making a special meal, gathering for prayer. I’ve noticed that it is these things that keep us together as a family, even though our children are growing up, and with each day, are learning to create lives of their own. Kids crave a sense of belonging, and they cling to the special moments that we fashion with them as they are growing up. That’s what keeps us together.
One of the connections we have as a family is homemade pizza night. Tom has perfected a pizza dough and sauce recipe that could win awards, and whenever Kenzie comes home from school for the weekend, she asks for Dad’s famous pizza. Although the deliciousness alone might lead you to understand her desire for pizza night . . . I know it’s something else altogether. Everyone watches with anticipation as the dough rises and the ingredients for the sauce get chopped up. Then, it’s time for everyone to make their own pizza . . . that’s when the fun begins. Unique dough shapes are created, cheese-stuffed crusts are formed, and toppings are added to personal tastes. Usually, the music is up in the background, and the dogs are at our feet, waiting for the tiniest morsel to be dropped. It’s just our thing. And, I think it’s something that we’ll always have, even when our kids have kids. It’s one of the special things we do together as a family unit. It is ours.
What are the special moments you’re creating with your family today? Know that it’s these things that you’ll keep coming back to, and that will keep them coming back to you. A unique connection that can’t be broken.

I Need a New Word for "Weird"

The word “weird” comes up in my vocabulary a lot. I use it to describe those somewhat mystical, magical, unforeseen, telepathic, miraculous, unexplainable, and just plain weird things that happen in life. Like, the times when you’re thinking about someone and they call you. Or, the times when you’re dealing with a particular problem and the answer comes to you in the scripture reading you turn to. Or, when you look at a digital clock and the time reflects a significant date in your life, like a birthday or anniversary.

I remember a priest telling the congregation not too long ago, about something that happened to him when he was in college and discerning his calling. Whenever he’d look at his watch or at a clock, the time was reflected in repeated numbers, like 11:11 or 4:44. He’d just simply smile to himself and know that it was God reminding him that He was near. My Mom often looks at the clock and sees her and my Dad’s wedding anniversary, 10:23. I’ve done a similar thing, and whenever I’d glance down at my odometer (I drive a lot . . .) the trip mileage was 111 or 222; or the total mileage was 88,888.

OK, now this is going to get a little “weirder”. As I just finished typing the 88,888 numbers above, a friend of mine called. I had ordered some products from her and I asked her how much I owed her. Are you sitting down? My total was $88.88. Weird?

Now, for the weirdest of them all. I’ve kept this weirdness to myself for awhile, but felt compelled to talk about it at a recent speaking engagement I had with a women’s group. I was talking about how, when we’re not connected to what’s going on around us and not living in the present, life just passes us by. When we make the decision to take some time to ourselves and be still and listen to what God is saying to us, all sorts of wonderful things can happen. I told them that over the last year or so, I’ve been experiencing “weird” buzzing or tingling in my lips or in my fingers when I feel like I need to “say” or “write” something. For example, early this morning, I was thinking about writing about “weirdness” but I had to first text a friend to see if, due to the bad weather, we were still meeting this morning. As soon as I hit “send”, I received a text message back that she was hoping we could reschedule due to the weather. There was no way she could have possibly received, read, and responded to my text that quickly. As soon as this happened, my fingers started buzzing/tingling (they still are right now) and I knew that I needed to write all of this down.

Weird? Maybe. Miraculous? Probably. Something I need to pay more attention to? Definitely.

What are those “weird” things in your life that you just take for granted or take as coincidence? What is God trying to tell YOU? Perhaps it’s time to give yourself permission to just be still and listen to what God is saying in your own life. And, while I might just keep calling these moments “weird”, I know that they are so much more than that. OK, my fingers just stopped tingling.

No more Pookie.

It was the day I had been dreading ever since my son became a teenager. Yesterday, my 15 year-old man-boy, in a somewhat out-of-the-blue sort of way, announced to me that it was time I stopped calling him “Pookie” (just one of my many nicknames for him) in front of his friends. And, he continued, while I was at it, I should probably stop calling him those names altogether, even if it’s not in front of his friends . . . because he is almost 16.

My response was a heavy sigh that only we Moms know how to sigh, followed by my response, “Do I really call you Pookie in front of your friends, Sweetie?”  Oh. Oops. Did I just call you Sweetie, Babe? Oops. Did it again! Well, gosh darn it, I’ve been doing it for . . . well, almost 16 years! It’s a hard habit to break!

When our kids are growing up, we know that, inevitably, they’re going to grow up for good. They’re going to move out of our homes, start their own lives, build their own dreams, and take the world on in their own way. That’s what we’ve raised them to do, after all! But, when those poignant times come throughout the growing-up-times when you see them practically grow up in an instant, the reward of “I did it – I raised a wonderful person” doesn’t seem so rewarding. It just seems like it all went much too fast.

I remember having this same feeling about our daughter who recently went away to college. How could this be happening all of a sudden, I remember thinking.  I just gave birth to her! But it does happen, they do grow up, they become independent, and we all adapt. It’s not such a bad thing, I’ve discovered, but it is different. New ways of looking at things, new ways of building your relationship with your child, and new adventures that they embark on with Mom at Dad no longer at arm’s reach.

“So, what should I call you?” I asked. “Son would be fine,” he responded. “OK, Sunshine”, I responded (sounds a little like “son”).  He smiled and hugged me. He’ll always be my Pookie.