Decision Making: From Fear-Based to Purpose-Aligned

Research and studies on human behavior have documented that we make 80% of our decisions in life based out of fear rather than our desires. Incredible statistic, isn’t it? I spoke at a networking group of business owners a few weeks ago about how to make decisions that are purpose-aligned rather than fear-based. My approach to purpose-aligned decision making comes from my varied experiences as marketing consultant, yoga instructor, and business/life coach. And so we walked through each.

Purpose-aligned decision making from the perspective of:

Your yoga instructor.  We began with a meditation – eyes closed, in a comfortable, seated position with both feet on the floor. This quote comes from Sarah Ban Breathnach and says:  “Each time you experience the new, you become receptive to inspiration. Each time you try something different, you let the Universe know you are listening. Trust your instincts. Believe your yearnings are blessings. If you are willing to step out in faith and take a leap in the dark, you will discover that your choices are as authentic as you are.” ‘Nuf said.

Your personal/professional coach. When I work with people who feel stuck in their lives, I always start with what is at the “heart” of the matter. That is, what are your dreams and desires?  What are the things that you are most passionate about? What could you do for hours without noticing the time? These things are your “purpose” in life. Put a bookmark there for a moment.

Your marketing consultant. When working with companies and businesses that need to get a handle on their sales and marketing, we always begin with a marketing plan. It helps map out a company’s vision/mission, goals, target audience and tactics for successful marketing execution. We can use the same format for our own lives in order to help us take action and make decisions that are purpose-aligned. Think of it in terms of four boxes:

1.       Dreams and Desires (Vision/Mission)

2.       People in Your Life (Target Audience)

3.       What You’re Aiming For (Goals and Objectives)

4.       How You Live Your Life (Tactics)

Look back to your discoveries around your dreams and desires and the things you are most passionate about – a.k.a. your purpose. This is the vision/mission for your life. Your target audience is the people you love, interact with, and want to be with. Your goals and objectives are those things that you’d like to do with your life, and the tactics are how you live your life in accordance with the people you love and your purpose. In other words, what you do each day to satisfy the purpose/mission/vision for your life.

Now, decision making becomes rather simple. When confronted with a decision, instead of moving to the fear-based response (which is almost always an “if/then” response that feels forced or limiting), ask yourself if it is aligned with your four boxes: your dreams/desires, the people in your life, what you’re aiming for and how you want to live your life. If you can say yes to each of these, then it’s a no-brainer. If you can’t say yes to each of them, it’s time to explore how that decision isn’t in alignment and if you can get it to a place of alignment. Then, move forward with confidence! 

If you'd like to receive a copy of the purpose-aligned worksheet, send me an email. 

Stepping Out of Routine

Last Friday, something incredible happened: I had nothing scheduled in the afternoon. No meetings. No conference calls. No work that HAD to be completed. What to do with the free time? I had wanted to visit a local library and peruse some books and maybe pick up a couple of movies for the weekend. So I went!

It's an "Anythink" library, and very different from the traditional, stuffy libraries I remember going to when I was younger. "SHHH" is a four-letter word (or so the library café server's t-shirt said) and videos are rented and dispensed Red Box-style. You check out books on your own using a computer scanner, and there are many places to sit and read, or work, or just daydream.

I started my library adventure by first ordering a cup of chai. As I waited for the library barista to whip up my hot drink, I noticed the people sitting at the nearby tables with their computers and coffees, just working and collaborating with one another. I spun around and saw the abundance of DVDs ready for me to peruse. Down the way, there was a computer workstation area where people were working on their own and also helping one another out with whatever it was they were doing.

I got my chai and walked over to the DVDs where I immediately picked out three that looked appealing. Of course, they were older movies, but ones that I had never seen before. And, they were FREE! Then, I meandered over to the business books section where it felt as if a couple of books were just calling to me. At Anythink, they organize the books by title instead of author, and it was just strange to me that those two books were on the same shelf. I walked down the aisle a bit further and turned the corner only to find a book displayed that also captured my attention. By now, I was looking like a library junkie, with my 3 DVDs and 3 books stacked in my arms. But it felt good. And, did I mention they were all FREE?

Then, I continued meandering and found my way to a cozy area of comfy chairs situated around a fireplace with a sign hanging above that just said "relax". I knew this was the place for me. For the next two hours there I sat - reading, jotting down notes, and sipping my chai. Nirvana.

Pretty soon, the lights started flicking off and on, signaling that the library was getting ready to close. 5:30 already? Where had the time gone?

As I walked out in the cool air with my books and DVDs in hand (all free for me to use for the next couple of weeks) I couldn't help but think that this had truly been an exceptional afternoon. One where I stepped out of routine and felt so much better for having done it.

What can you do this week that is outside of your normal routine? Who knows, maybe it'll change your entire perspective.

Sitting in the Lap of Mother Earth

This past week, I read a meditation in  each of my yoga classes by J. Allen Boone that said, “One way to get expanded into a larger awareness of knowing and being is to “sit in the lap of Mother Earth”, look off into scenic loveliness and far distances, and listen for the good counsel from the silence as it gently speaks to each of us in the infinite language of all life.”

Each time I read this, I envisioned the coming weekend when I was going to be doing that very thing. I was heading up to the mountains where I would have Mother Earth all to myself. There’s nothing like sitting in the midst of nature and listening to the good counsel of silence. I’d highly recommend it for anyone who is overwhelmed by the distractions of life – work, finances, family issues, health problems, uncertainty, worry, fear. They all are washed away when you are sitting in Mother Earth’s lap and listening to nothing but the silence.

And here I am. That day has come. I’m sitting here on the dirt ground, looking at nothing but loveliness. Hear nothing but complete silence. My entire body is tingling from the beauty that surrounds me. The stillness. The crisp air. Things are so much clearer when you can get out of the noise of life. The little things don’t seem to matter as much, and the ten thousand voices that were in my head just a few short days ago, prodding me to do the next thing, make the next decision, or prepare for the next meeting are all quiet. I’m open to new possibilities and content with the way things are. I’m grateful for my many blessings and reconnected to my Source. So, don’t put it off for one more day! Take some time for yourself. Sit in the lap of Mother Earth and listen to the good counsel of silence. How will it transform you?

Endings and Beginnings

Just when I’m getting into the groove of summer, it’s back to school time.  While my daughter’s Teen Vogue magazine says that my Capricorn horoscope is "buzzing with excitement for back-to-school planning time”, my general feeling is that I’m not quite ready yet. Sure, I do crave the routine that the school year brings, but I also love the spontaneity of summer . . . sitting out on the front porch drinking my coffee in the morning, visiting with my kids in the middle of the day while I take a break from work, or heading up to our cabin for a long weekend.

I do love the carefree days of summer. I think the other thing that makes this summer coming to an end more difficult, is that I know I’ll have to say goodbye to Kenzie again as she heads back up to school. She’s close by, but always too far away for this Mom. And, then there’s Taylor. He just got his driver’s license, and is already asking about how much freedom he’s going to have now that he can get behind the wheel on his own. Oy! Just another thing for this Mom to worry about . . . and to reflect on.

It’s amazing how our time as parents flies by so quickly. I think it’s because we see our memories captured in the “big” milestones . . the day they were born, the day they started walking, the day they went to Kindergarten, the day they graduated high school. But, I will try and breathe it all in and continue to take each moment as it comes, as a blessing from God that we’ve been able to enjoy everything that comes with being a parent. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t let out a huge, heart-felt sigh or get watery eyes when Kenzie packed up her things and Taylor got behind the wheel to head out on his own. It’s those bittersweet moments that remind us just how blessed we are.

Practicing Joy

In the grocery store line yesterday morning, I was compelled to indulge in a guilty pleasure, and purchased an Oprah “O” magazine. The front cover spoke to me . . . it was “The Quiz Issue”. I’m a sucker for quizzes, so I brought it home and enticed Kenzie to take a couple of the quizzes with me. 
The first one was called, “Where Do you Find Joy?” and had us draw a timeline of a typical day, mapping out how much time we spend doing things, like working, cooking, cleaning, sleeping, etc. The next part of the exercise was to answer questions about things you love to do. You had to fill in the blank and answer questions like, “I could blow an entire rainy afternoon _________”, or “When I was a kid, I used to love ______”. We were to write the first thing that came to our minds, and it was a pretty easy exercise. Don’t we all know what we love to do? 
The next step was to redraw our timeline for a typical day, and sprinkle in some of the answers from those questions. This was very exciting to me because I noticed where there were small gaps in my day when my energy was low or in the evenings when I wasn’t getting anything productive done (the show, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives comes to mind), and used those as places to fill in my “love-to-dos”. Some of them included taking a walk, spending time catching up with girlfriends, and drawing. 
When it was time for Kenzie to add in her “love-to-dos” to her list, she sort of looked at me blankly. I asked her if she was having a hard time fitting her loves into her schedule, and she surprised me by saying that she already does 9 of the 10 things on her list most days!  (When she was a “kid”, she used to love playing with her Barbie dolls . . . doesn’t do that anymore!) 
This got me thinking about how I’ve let my monotonous routine dominate my life. How lovely would it be to take 15 minutes out of my day and sketch the mountains or 30 minutes for a walk around the block . . . just because. What do YOU love to do that you aren’t doing because of a busy schedule, or just because it’s not currently part of your routine? Do one today!

Who Is That Crazy Lady?

I wasn’t quite sure if I’d ever put this life story into print. It’s sooo embarrassing. Will I regret it? Maybe, but here goes. 
It’s all about getting out of our comfort zones. Apparently, I’m in my comfort zone quite often. And, to top it off, I have the false belief that I have the super-ability to remain in that comfort zone, responding to all stresses with peace and love, no matter what happens. I teach yoga, after all! 
Well, all of those preconceived notions about myself were turned upside down a few weeks ago when my daughter Kenzie and I rented a pontoon boat while we were in Gunnison. We do this almost every year, and look forward to having some girl-time, as we float on the lake, catch some rays, and read our books. Sounds like a pretty relaxing time, doesn’t it? Well, it certainly was until we were about an hour into our float-time, and thought we should move up the lake a little further. My husband Tom and son Taylor were on their own fishing boat somewhat nearby, and we thought we should cruise around and see what the fishermen were up to. I turned the key to the boat and . . . nothing. I tried once more. Nothing. 
Michael, the guy who showed us where everything was on the boat before we left the dock, told me that if the boat had trouble starting, to just push the key in as I was turning it, to choke it. I tried that, and nothing. Time to call for help. Fortunately we had cell phone service, so we called the boys to come and fix our problem. Tom got on the boat, looked at the motor, tried to start it, and said that he’d have to tow us in. So we hooked up with a rope and 30 minutes later we were back to the dock. 
Taylor tied the front and back of the boat to the side of the dock and remained on the boat while I stepped off to get someone who worked at the boat house. I got back on the boat to start unloading our things when I noticed that the front tie had come undone! The boat was drifting off and away from the dock, held only by the single back tie. Kenzie was on the dock looking on, as I grabbed the little paddle they keep on the boat, got to my knees, and started paddling to get the front end of the boat back to the dock so we could tie it back down. I soon noticed that the paddling was getting nowhere, and as I looked back, I realized that the second tie had come undone and we were just drifting off, further from the dock! 
This is when something in me snapped. Whether it was fear of getting stuck on the shallow side of the inlet just feet away, drifting off into the lake never to be retrieved again, or just feeling helpless about being up a creek without a paddle – OK, we were on a lake with a paddle, but you get the idea – without the motor, I panicked and began paddling even faster. I was yelling, “who didn’t tie the boat to the dock!?” in Taylor’s direction, and then, "don’t blame your sister” at the top of my lungs as I paddled faster and faster . . . still getting nowhere. 
I looked over to the dock where one of the employees was calmly, and without a word, getting a rope prepared to toss to my son so he could pull us back in. He sort of reminded me of what Jesus must have looked like in the story of the disciples' boat during the raging storm, with everyone panicking except him. Then, I noticed the group of people on the dock, just looking on at this crazy woman on her knees trying to steer a 16-foot pontoon boat with this tiny little paddle. I’m surprised no one was capturing everything on video, but who knows? It could be on YouTube and I don’t even know it! 
We finally got pulled back in, and when I was gathering up my stuff and getting ready to walk back to the boat house, I heard the employee get the motor to turn over. Perfect. Then, a little boy who had been standing on the side of the dock with all the other people yelled over to me, innocently, “Did you get your boat started?” I shot him the evil eye, and turned back towards the boat house. 
To add insult to injury, the employee asked me, “Didn’t Michael show you where the red ‘fast start’ button is?” Um, no. Michael did NOT show me the fast start button, otherwise I probably would have used it! After all that, Kenzie and I were walking back to our car and I said, “Did I look like a crazy lady out there?” She hesitated for a moment, and then said, “You lost it, Mom.” I did, indeed, and it even surprised me. How could the calm, centered, peaceful person I know myself to be just snap like that? 
I think it happens to all of us, and I think it comes from some deep-seated fear – whatever that is for us. I remember when my kids were younger and Taylor ran out into the street to retrieve a ball without looking. I screamed like a crazy lady (there she is again!) and ran out there to scoop him up before the car down the road got any closer. It’s times like these when we lose our sense of security, get out of our comfort zones, and snap. 
I’m not 100% sure of the lesson in all of this, except for the fact that I want to be more like the guy on the dock throwing the rope, and don’t want to be the crazy lady paddling frantically. I also want to know where ALL of the red “fast start” buttons are in my life. Maybe we just need to remember that in all of our stressful, out-of-control, panicky times, there is Someone out there with a rope, and the fast start button is there if you just look.  

The Tree

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about writing. I’ve been thinking about writing a lot, but haven’t done much of it at all, for myself anyway. Most of my writing as of late has been for business, and while I love this type of work, it has certainly distracted me from the view out my own window. Literally. My eyes are glued to my computer screen, cranking out work, and I’ve neglected spending time with my own writing. About the important stuff. Even when I’ve sat down at my computer to attempt writing my blog, my fingers haven’t moved very quickly across the keyboard and I find myself going on to other things. 


As I got my coffee this morning, and made my way towards my Bible, I was praying for a nugget of resonance to appear on the page I opened up to today. I wanted to connect with the passage I was on in some way, so that I’d know it was time to write again. I wanted my fingers to start tingling. I’ve been slowly stepping through a devotional Bible for the last 10 months, and I’m currently on the Book of John. Throughout various sections of this Bible are reflections on certain passages, and the reflection of the passage I read today (John 4: 1-26) referenced Psalm 1:3 which says, “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Perfect. Of course. 


It got me thinking back to a conversation I had a few days earlier with a good friend of mine. We were talking about how we “Type-A” personalities have a hard time sitting still and being patient. We always want to be doing, doing, doing. We want to be making things happen, taking steps towards a goal, making progress towards something. She said that she received good advice from another friend who reminded her that sometimes we just need to be still. We need to be patient and accept this stillness in our lives so that we can be ready for whatever the next step might be for us. 


It’s like that psalm. We are trees, planted by a flowing, lovely, thirst-quenching stream. We yield our fruit (accomplish our goals, see our dreams come to fruition, realize success) . . . in season. We don’t wither when we’re not in season. We’re just called to be still, patient, faithful, and ready to bloom when the time is right. As difficult as it might be to be a tree, still and patient, it can be something beautiful and fulfilling as well. To be in the present moment, patient yet hopeful, that our hearts are being prepared to yield amazing fruit, and prosper at everything we do . . . . now, that’s worth waiting for!