Roots to Wings

Remember your child’s first day of Kindergarten? Perhaps you haven’t yet sent any children off on their big day and are dreading the moment when they leave your safe and comfortable nest to explore a new world. I remember the day that my daughter went off to Kindergarten. As a matter of fact, I have a picture of her first day that hangs in my bedroom. She is dressed up in her new red sweater with her little plaid skirt, sitting at her desk with her cute smile and arms folded over the tissue box she brought as part of her school supply bundle. I look at this picture and think back to all the feelings I was experiencing when my baby first started school. When we send our children to Kindergarten, they are exploring a new world, making new friends, discerning good behaviors from bad, and getting used to a new routine. Isn't this also true when a child leaves for college?

My daughter recently did that very thing. Despite the many parallels I can draw between beginning Kindergarten and beginning college, the one critical component she was missing when she was 5 was her ability to make her own decisions, and to draw on her roots, which were really just starting to be formed. In Kindergarten, the decisions are made for you. My daughter knew when she was going to go to recess and have lunch, what she was going to wear each day, when she was going to get to go home, and what her bedtime was. It was in the comfort of these seemingly small routines that stuck with her and enabled her to begin making decisions for herself.

One of my own mother’s favorite sayings is, “We give our children two things – one is roots, and other, wings.” I know now more than ever that all of the hard work we do as parents to establish good routines, good habits, and good lives allows these roots to strengthen and take hold. Difficult as it may be throughout those elementary, middle, and high school years, I’m here to tell you that it’s all worth it. We model for our children, give them strong roots, and in turn, they develop a sense of who they are, and more importantly, that they’re loved. So, fear not, dear parents. Root them in love, God, and all of the things you want them to be, and then, give them wings.

Stopping Worry In Its Tracks

While we certainly don’t have manuals when it comes to being mothers and raising children, there is one thing we all seem to have bestowed upon us when we enter into the wonderful world of motherhood, and that’s the keen ability to worry. It starts early. When we’re pregnant, we worry about whether the little someone growing inside is getting the right nutrition. We worry about how the delivery will go. Once they’re born, we begin a roller-coaster ride of worry, and while the types of things we worry about are different at each age, the worry doesn’t get any less overwhelming. Worry is like a little worm that enters your head and just keeps munching away at your thoughts, taking you one direction and then the next, calculating all of the possible things that can go wrong. While I am no stranger to worry, I’d like to share a recipe for extracting that very hungry little worm and letting the worry go.  It works for me when I find myself in a state of worry and I invite you to try it next time you are caught in this same trap:

Step 1: Acknowledge the worry. Most times when we worry, we let our rational minds go, and instead, let our irrational minds take over, sort of like a cassette tape that plays in an endless loop. Stop, and acknowledge the fact that you’re worried about something. Perhaps even write it down if you are a visual person, or say it out loud if you are an auditory person.

Step 2: Draw a line in the sand. Once we acknowledge the fact that we’re worried about something, we need to put it into perspective. Look at the big picture. Most of our worries have to do with what’s going on in the here-and-now, and we tend to extrapolate that situation out into the future, when in fact, we really have no control of the future. All you can do is focus on the present moment and draw a line between you and your worry. Make it stop right here and step over to the other side for just a moment:  the place of peace and non-worry. Now, consciously sit in this space for a few moments, knowing that the problem and worry are still there, but that they’re on the other side of the line. This step allows you to distance yourself from the worry instead of sitting in it.

Step 3: Give it to God.  This has to be a full-on effort on your part. There’s no such thing as halfway giving it up. Trust me, I’ve tried it. In order to fully release the problem to God, sometimes it takes being very demonstrative about it. Sure, you can simply pray about it, and this usually suffices for the smaller worries. But if it’s one of those big, hairy ones, try one of these actions:

1. Write down your worry on a piece of paper, and then crumple it up and give it over to God. You could place it next to your bible or a cross or perhaps even burn it to ashes.  You can also hand it over to your spouse or a friend letting them know that you have given this worry up to God.

2.  Ceremoniously wash your hands as you say out loud that you are washing your hands of this problem and the worry that goes along with it, and letting Him take control.

3.  Journal about it. This can be very therapeutic, especially if you journal as if you are writing a letter to God. Tell Him all of your issues and then let Him know that this letter serves as official notice that you are putting it into His hands.

No matter which way you hand it over to God, this next step is critical, and that is to replace your worry with love. Look at the person you’re worried about with love. See the problem through the eyes of love. Know that love is powerful and can fix everything. I don’t know that worry will ever go away when we’re moms, even when our kids are grown, out of the house, and raising their own families. It’s just a way of life when you’re a mother, but as I’m sure you’ll agree, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.