Give Up Your Burden and Move On

How often do we spend our time over-thinking things? I do it a lot. When I’m in my head more than in my heart, things get lopsided pretty quickly. This way of living hit home about a year ago when a dear friend of mine was dealing with a painful problem. It involved shame, guilt, and feelings of hopelessness. She was really struggling with this problem and could not get past it. It dominated her every thought. She was pulled down by it daily. She was living in her head, over-thinking it and letting it dominate her life.

John 5: 1-18 tells the story of a man who had been paralyzed for 38 years. Imagine that! Jesus approached the man and asked, “Do you want to be healed?” The man replied by feeling sorry for himself, saying that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the nearby pool to be cleansed and healed. Jesus responds by telling him to “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Immediately the man was cured.

We are sometimes like the man who had been paralyzed for 38 years . . . except our paralysis is more mental than it is physical. We can make a choice to let our burdens dominate our lives, or we can make the decision to pick up our mat and walk. Here are some ways to pick up your mat:

1. Ask yourself the question: Do you want to be healed? Explore it. Write down reasons why it’s easier to stay stuck. Then, consider the reasons that it’s hard to get unstuck. Accept the fact that it’s hard to get unstuck, but that doing so is the only path to growth, acceptance, understanding, and grace. When you’re ready to answer the question with a resounding YES, you’re ready to move on to step #2.
2. Do something radical. The only way to shake off a burden is to do something opposite of that burden:
• If you are at an impasse with someone in your life, forgive them. Try writing a letter of forgiveness. You don’t need to show the letter to that person, but just the act of forgiveness can be freeing. Take it a step further and reach out to that person. It might be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it could be life-changing for all involved.
• If you’ve made a big mistake, forgive yourself. Try talking to a trusted friend or get some help from a counselor or coach and talk through ways to move beyond it. You can also write your mistake down on a piece of paper in great detail, cry over it, and then tear it up dramatically or set it ablaze! Mistakes are a part of the growth process. We all make them, and we can move on by finding the lessons.
• If you are burdened by a decision you are trying to make, try going with your gut and then work towards making that decision right instead of focusing on making the right decision.
• If you’ve suffered a big loss in your life, allow yourself ample time to grieve. Write down all of the things you are grateful for with regard to that lost person or situation. Then, make the conscious decision to set your sights on moving forward using what you’ve gained from that person or from your situation. Take one small action to move forward every day.

Making the decision to be healed is hard, but when you realize that this is the first step in the process of moving forward, you can begin taking those first difficult steps to the nearby pool to be cleansed and healed. Completely.     

Oh, the Pressure!

I’m a scheduling and time management maniac. In college and throughout my early working days I used to put on time management seminars. I even created a self-bound book called “Achieving Balance in Your Hectic Life” with entire chapters dedicated to goal setting and effective time management.

Always by my side is my trusty FranklinCovey™ planner, with colorful, detailed plans for today, as well as the weeks and months ahead. I follow the FranklinCovey system to the letter, check-marking  items as I accomplish them, putting an “A” next to items that must be completed that day, making a “dot” next to the items that have been started but are not yet completed, and arrows next to those that need to be moved to the next day. I’m obsessed. Sometimes, when I accomplish something that is not on my list, I’ll write it down and then put a check mark by it. I told you – obsessed.

So, when I woke up this morning realizing I that our clocks had “fallen back” with Daylight Savings Time coming to an end, I was exhilarated as I woke up at 6:42, knowing that it was ACTUALLY 5:42! 

Oh! What am I going to do with that extra hour?

Then, panic set in when I started writing down my list for the day. Nothing seemed to be that earth-shatteringly important:

• Laundry
• Grocery shopping
• Dust/vacuum
• Change clocks
• Sort mail

BORING!

So, what am I going to do with that precious, extra hour? I’m going to take my own advice and point my feet in the direction I want to go. I’m going to do something that is aligned with my purpose. I’m taking my 17 year-old son out to lunch today. Mom and son bonding – an hour very well spent.

What did you do with yours?

Decision Making: From Fear-Based to Purpose-Aligned

Research and studies on human behavior have documented that we make 80% of our decisions in life based out of fear rather than our desires. Incredible statistic, isn’t it? I spoke at a networking group of business owners a few weeks ago about how to make decisions that are purpose-aligned rather than fear-based. My approach to purpose-aligned decision making comes from my varied experiences as marketing consultant, yoga instructor, and business/life coach. And so we walked through each.

Purpose-aligned decision making from the perspective of:

Your yoga instructor.  We began with a meditation – eyes closed, in a comfortable, seated position with both feet on the floor. This quote comes from Sarah Ban Breathnach and says:  “Each time you experience the new, you become receptive to inspiration. Each time you try something different, you let the Universe know you are listening. Trust your instincts. Believe your yearnings are blessings. If you are willing to step out in faith and take a leap in the dark, you will discover that your choices are as authentic as you are.” ‘Nuf said.

Your personal/professional coach. When I work with people who feel stuck in their lives, I always start with what is at the “heart” of the matter. That is, what are your dreams and desires?  What are the things that you are most passionate about? What could you do for hours without noticing the time? These things are your “purpose” in life. Put a bookmark there for a moment.

Your marketing consultant. When working with companies and businesses that need to get a handle on their sales and marketing, we always begin with a marketing plan. It helps map out a company’s vision/mission, goals, target audience and tactics for successful marketing execution. We can use the same format for our own lives in order to help us take action and make decisions that are purpose-aligned. Think of it in terms of four boxes:

1.       Dreams and Desires (Vision/Mission)

2.       People in Your Life (Target Audience)

3.       What You’re Aiming For (Goals and Objectives)

4.       How You Live Your Life (Tactics)

Look back to your discoveries around your dreams and desires and the things you are most passionate about – a.k.a. your purpose. This is the vision/mission for your life. Your target audience is the people you love, interact with, and want to be with. Your goals and objectives are those things that you’d like to do with your life, and the tactics are how you live your life in accordance with the people you love and your purpose. In other words, what you do each day to satisfy the purpose/mission/vision for your life.

Now, decision making becomes rather simple. When confronted with a decision, instead of moving to the fear-based response (which is almost always an “if/then” response that feels forced or limiting), ask yourself if it is aligned with your four boxes: your dreams/desires, the people in your life, what you’re aiming for and how you want to live your life. If you can say yes to each of these, then it’s a no-brainer. If you can’t say yes to each of them, it’s time to explore how that decision isn’t in alignment and if you can get it to a place of alignment. Then, move forward with confidence! 

If you'd like to receive a copy of the purpose-aligned worksheet, send me an email. 

Stepping Out of Routine

Last Friday, something incredible happened: I had nothing scheduled in the afternoon. No meetings. No conference calls. No work that HAD to be completed. What to do with the free time? I had wanted to visit a local library and peruse some books and maybe pick up a couple of movies for the weekend. So I went!

It's an "Anythink" library, and very different from the traditional, stuffy libraries I remember going to when I was younger. "SHHH" is a four-letter word (or so the library café server's t-shirt said) and videos are rented and dispensed Red Box-style. You check out books on your own using a computer scanner, and there are many places to sit and read, or work, or just daydream.

I started my library adventure by first ordering a cup of chai. As I waited for the library barista to whip up my hot drink, I noticed the people sitting at the nearby tables with their computers and coffees, just working and collaborating with one another. I spun around and saw the abundance of DVDs ready for me to peruse. Down the way, there was a computer workstation area where people were working on their own and also helping one another out with whatever it was they were doing.

I got my chai and walked over to the DVDs where I immediately picked out three that looked appealing. Of course, they were older movies, but ones that I had never seen before. And, they were FREE! Then, I meandered over to the business books section where it felt as if a couple of books were just calling to me. At Anythink, they organize the books by title instead of author, and it was just strange to me that those two books were on the same shelf. I walked down the aisle a bit further and turned the corner only to find a book displayed that also captured my attention. By now, I was looking like a library junkie, with my 3 DVDs and 3 books stacked in my arms. But it felt good. And, did I mention they were all FREE?

Then, I continued meandering and found my way to a cozy area of comfy chairs situated around a fireplace with a sign hanging above that just said "relax". I knew this was the place for me. For the next two hours there I sat - reading, jotting down notes, and sipping my chai. Nirvana.

Pretty soon, the lights started flicking off and on, signaling that the library was getting ready to close. 5:30 already? Where had the time gone?

As I walked out in the cool air with my books and DVDs in hand (all free for me to use for the next couple of weeks) I couldn't help but think that this had truly been an exceptional afternoon. One where I stepped out of routine and felt so much better for having done it.

What can you do this week that is outside of your normal routine? Who knows, maybe it'll change your entire perspective.